How an INTJ Might Plan a Wedding

how an INTJ might plan a wedding how an INTJ might plan a wedding how an INTJ might plan a wedding how an INTJ might plan a wedding

Good news, everyone! how an INTJ might plan a wedding how an INTJ might plan a wedding how an INTJ might plan a wedding

My blog and I are back, and on a whole new format! I hope you all missed me. Well, then, let’s get started with something fun—how an INTJ might plan a wedding.

So, I’m entering that point in my life that so many others speak of and that you see a lot in movies. Yep, that’s right, all my friends and cousins are getting married, and I haven’t had a date in years. Course, though, it’s not all bad. As it is said, “he who laughs last, laughs best”, meaning I’ll have the best wedding and the hottest bride. But besides that, there is another boon—by going to all of these other weddings, I can see what works, what doesn’t, what sucks, and what I should absolutely avoid. My one cousin’s wedding was an absolute shit-show—4 out of 10; would not go again and would not recommend to a friend. So, what was so terrible about it and how would I vastly improve upon it? Let’s take a look. 

Time of the Year

The first pitfall of most weddings is that they are held in either the summer or winter because people want to either take advantage of the nice weather or the romance of the snow. My cousin had his wedding near the end of September, which was a bad idea. Why? The simple answer is that this is Michigan. Now, for those of you who don’t live here, let me explain that Michigan is notorious for having unpredictable weather. We’ve had snow in June, 65 degree (Fahrenheit) days one week after Christmas, and once we had all four seasons in a single day. I don’t know why the weather is so crazy, but it likely has something to do with the presence of the Great Lakes. how an INTJ might plan a wedding

Anyway, people wishing to avoid the sweltering days of a Michigan summer will often plan their weddings for September thinking that with autumn right around the corner that temperatures will cool and the humidity will drop—this is not always the case. We have had Septembers hotter and muggier than August, and that’s exactly what happened this particular year. To make matters worse, my cousin’s bride had some fantasy about getting married in a barn. Ultimately, the barn was used for the reception and the couple was married outside in a courtyard, but it was hot and it was muggy. It was miserable, especially in formal clothes, which some of the women avoided by wearing dresses that weren’t that modest, and at this wedding with all the fat and ugly relatives, modesty should have been a priority. So, how would I improve?

Because Michigan summers and are too unpredictable, my answer is simple—get married in early October, specifically the first Saturday. Early October is more likely to have more agreeable temperatures, especially for those in formal wear. It should strike a nice balance between cool and hot, however, that still isn’t a guarantee. Climate control is an absolute must. There’s a pretty good chance the weather will be favorable, but I don’t take chances when it comes to the biggest day of my life. So, how do I control the climate? Let’s look at the next point. how an INTJ might plan a wedding

Venue

As I mentioned, my cousin was married in a courtyard under the beating sun with the reception held in a barn. And this wasn’t a fancy or civilized barn. I mean, there wasn’t any hay or horses in it, but it was quite literally a fricking barn. To make matters worse, it was located in a very out of the way spot, forcing family from both sides to drive up to an hour or more to the venue. This also forced many of my relatives to get a hotel room so they wouldn’t have to make the journey back that night, and that caused another kerfuffle. The bride had spoken to a manager at the closest hotel available to make sure enough rooms would be reserved for her guests, but then that manager resigned and the next-in-line manager hadn’t been in on the deal and so let the rooms go. As for my parents and I, we had church in the morning, so we left early. how an INTJ might plan a wedding

To avoid all this hassle, my wedding will be at a centrally located, Roman Catholic Church. Its placement will be strategic so that neither family is inconvenienced by the drive there nor the drive home, and it shan’t require hotel reservations. People will actually be able to go home after the reception. And because it is a church, it will definitely have climate control, so regardless of what the weather is doing, everyone in the wedding party will be comfortable. And, having my wedding in a church serves another purpose.

As I mentioned above, I left early with my parents so we could go home, go to bed, and get up for Mass. To avoid saddling anyone with this inconvenience, my wedding will be a proper Catholic wedding with a Mass and take place on Saturday evening, which will fulfill the Sunday obligation, meaning my guests, my bride, and I can sleep in the morning after. The only slightly logistical problem is that I don’t want to displace the beloved Saturday evening Mass regulars, so my wedding Mass will take place one half-hour after the regular Saturday Mass ends. This should be enough time for the beloved regulars, no matter how old and crippled, to vacate the premises and give my guests time to find a seat. I would also like to have a public rosary said before the Mass because why not? I intend on keeping the Big G and his son JC involved in my marriage, so the evening will begin with the rosary and be officiated by a Catholic priest. how an INTJ might plan a wedding how an INTJ might plan a wedding

Photographs

Another fatal error at my cousin’s wedding was the wait between the ceremony and the reception. It was about an hour or longer. There were hors d’oeuvres, but with a wait that long and with no well defined program, you tend to fill up on hors d’oeuvres. What were my cousin and his new bride doing? I don’t know for sure, but considering there was some picturesque scenery around and no one saw them for a while, they were probably taking pictures. This is erroneous because what’s the point of wedding pictures, or even spending a mint of them? You’re going to look at them once after the honey moon and then once again after the first spouse has died, but between then and there, you’ll never look at them again. My solution? Get maybe two at the church, one of myself and my blushing bride in front of the altar, and another just like it but with the priest, and that’s it. Move on! No more are necessary and no one else cares. Plus, with my ceremony happening so late in the evening, dinner will be late as well, probably at 7:30 (19:30) or so at the earliest. Therefore, we need to get the pictures done and skedaddle straight to the banquet hall.

But I can hear you all screaming, “What about pictures of the reception?!” Easy enough. Collect all the uncles and male cousins, and hand out disposable digital cameras and issue the challenge that whoever takes the best pictures will win a gift card. Maybe even make it the top five or seven. Admittedly, since we are talking about the uncles and male cousins, it is likely that someone’s butt or a penis will slip in somewhere, but that’s not a problem. Why? Because it will be the duty of my parents and in-laws to sort through the pictures while my bride and I are away on our honey moon. They will clear out the unacceptable pictures, and only leave us with the rest. Then my bride and I will decide which pictures are best.

Reception and First Dance

So, the reception at my cousin’s wedding wasn’t great. Due to some law here in Michigan, food can’t be pre-prepared before reaching the venue and has to be prepared on the spot. The cooks only had a small trailer in which to work since there was no kitchen—remember, it was a fricking barn—and so the serving was weirdly timed. Every dish came out sometime long after the other, which is fine with entrees, but not with sides. And one of the entrees, the chicken, was undercooked. But! Before we even ate, the bride and groom had their first dance along with the bride and father of the bride dance, and the groom and mother of the groom dance. These were all before we ate, so while these dances were happening, everyone at the reception was staring at the dancers. As you can imagine, it was super awkward. And additionally, the best men (my cousin had two—his brothers—my other cousins) and the bride’s maids did their toasts after dinner, which forced whomever the event organizer was to call everyone back into the barn when we started to break after dinner. To make matters worse, champagne was poured before the reception, and I naturally assumed it was for the toasts. But upon finishing dinner, I figured there were no toasts and drained the champagne, not wanting to waste it. So, I had nothing to toast with when the toasts came. And to make matters even more worse, there was no coordination between the bride’s maids and the best men. My one cousin didn’t even know he had to do a speech until that day. As a result, the three toasts prepared beforehand were read—which as a student of public speaking, I hated—and both bride’s maids had their own parts about “let’s raise our glasses to N and N” in their toasts rather than doing it at the same time. And then my other cousin who did know about the toast ended his with a “Now, let’s fucking party!” which I didn’t like because this was a formal wedding. So, lots to fix here.

For starters, my reception will take place at a proper hall with a proper kitchen. No undercooked food or late servings, otherwise someone is going to get scalped. Dinner will be served promptly at 7:30, whether all guests are accounted for or not, and it will be done banquet-style. And, of course, to make it easier for my guests, the hall will be located near the church. Next, there will be no best man or bride’s maid toasts because I have something really special planned for the first dance.

See, while dinner will be served at 7:30, my bride and I will not be among the wedding party. We will instead be skipping dinner for now and preparing for our “first” dance. We will have a wardrobe change, and as dinner winds down, but before dessert is served, the DJ will introduce me and my bride, and tell everyone it is time for our first dance. We’ll start out simple and easy, before we kick it up a notch and perform the best first dance any wedding has ever seen! It’ll be a routine that puts Dancing with the Stars to shame as styles of dance and music blend into a perfectly choreographed, 6-month long rehearsed performance. And when we are finished, everyone will of course give a standing ovation. At that time, I will take the microphone, thank everyone for coming, tell them dessert is on the way and that my bride and I will return after we’ve changed our clothes.

So, dessert will be served and the DJ will have explicit instructions to begin the partying immediately after. At which point, my bride and I will have our dinner and dessert, but we will of course eat light because we’re eating so late and because the main event of our marriage night is still to come. But, the main reason why dinner, dessert, and the party are planned like this is so we can avoid that stupid clinking tradition. For those who don’t know, at some weddings, it is the pleasure of the guests to clink their glasses and plates in a bid to annoy the bride and groom into kissing. 

I cannot express how much I hate this tradition. I know some people have found ways around it, but there’s always going to be one or two people who either don’t know or don’t care, so it’s best to avoid the whole situation altogether and not even give my guests the opportunity to do so.

Finally, the reception will end promptly at midnight with the DJ out of there no later than 12:30 (0:30). As I mentioned, my bride and I need to get to the main event of the evening, and I don’t want people loitering around preventing us from doing so. I will of course see to it that the DJ is tipped extra for a quick exit, but if for some reason he can’t or the guests at the wedding bribe him into staying, he will not be tipped extra. There are still things to do, so I need people to leave. Plus, my side of the family is quite old these days. I have seen them party into the wee hours of the morning, and they really shouldn’t be doing that anymore. It is time for bed.

Consummation

Now, I can’t comment on how my cousin consummated his marriage because I don’t know. I don’t want to assume or throw shade, but considering he lived with his fiancée before they were married, it’s probably a safe bet that the relationship was consummated before they were married. This will not be the case with me. I am a good practicing Catholic, and so will my future wife. This is one bride who is going to have a white wedding and not be a filthy liar.

Now, of course, since this will be the first time for the both of us, anxiety is likely to be an issue as is the adrenaline left over from the big day and the party. So, I will propose that my wife and I shower together to clean ourselves up after all the excitement, and we’ll decide what to do after that, no pressure. Of course, though, that’s all a part of the plan. The act of showering together, what with the lathering up of each other’s bodies and seeing each other nude for the first time, will go towards building the sexual anticipation. While I certainly will not pressure my wife, I do certainly plan to work her up to the point where she is primed and rearing to go. Who knows, the shower might even be the place where the consummation happens. I am of course already making future plans for my perfect future home, and one of my considerations is a shower large enough for two with a non-slip floor with multiple shower heads so that neither person is left out in the cold.

From there, if there was no consummating in the shower, things shall proceed to the bed where again I will make it abundantly clear that there is no pressure for anything to happen. I will merely suggest that we lie on the bed, start kissing, and let whatever happens, happens. Nature will take its course or it won’t. Of course, though, I won’t just let it lie there. While this will be the first time I am seeing my wife naked, I will by no means be ignorant of how she likes to be touched. There will have been several massages, cuddling sessions, online research, and even honest discourse prior to this event taking place. I absolutely loathe how people say having sex before you’re married is necessary because that’s the only way you can be sure of sexual compatibility. I say that if you’re both virgins, what does it matter? You’re both new to this anyway. And secondly, you can always talk about these things. I intend on having several very important talks with my girlfriend before I ever propose to her: talks about children, about career changes, about what to do with our parents if one of them becomes so impaired they can no longer live alone, and, of course, one of our discussions will be about sexual fantasies and curiosities. Also, thirdly, part of being in a relationship is building a life together and becoming closer, becoming one flesh, so to speak. And so, that includes things like sexual tastes. Plus, you’ll have no bad habits from previous relationships, and you’ll learn together, which is part of the fun!

Anyway, it will be my fondest wish to ensure that my new bride is satisfied—who cares about me, I’m a guy—I’m easy to satisfy—and there may be some clean up after. Seriously, I actually googled this recently and there can be quite a bit of post-coitus clean up. Apparently, a “sex towel” is a thing all couples need. Anyway, we’ll clean up, and then it’s “goodnight, sleep tight”, which we will be able to do since we won’t have to get up early for church.

Honeymoon

This is another thing about my cousin’s marriage I can’t comment on, but I know how I would go about it.

First things first, the bags are already packed. Hell, they were packed even before the wedding day. Everything was ready to go days ago so that there wouldn’t be any running around or panicking before the trip. As for where we’re going, well, my original intention was somewhere tropical, but as this is October we’re talking about, hurricanes are a factor. My original plan was Aruba for no more reason other than I think the island’s name sounds sexy, but supposedly it is still safe during hurricane season. Other considerations are Hawaii, which does experience a hurricane season, but is still supposed to be very nice, and Trinidad and Tobago, which fall outside of the hurricane belt, but they are right off the coast of Venezuela. With current world political tensions, I’m a little anxious about going anywhere in or near Central and South America. Anyway, I’m planning for a week long stay and hopefully returning before the 14^th of October which is my mother’s birthday. So, I get to get married, have a beautiful and steamy honeymoon, and make it back in time to perform my filial duty.

Considerations

Now, I know that some people might be a little irritated that I have planned this whole thing out myself. “What does your bride want?!” they are screaming. Well, my marriage is still far off yet—I don’t even have a girlfriend. Nothing is set in stone. Secondly, there’s still plenty for her to prepare and plan out. Thirdly, I think it’s absolute BS that the wedding is considered the “bride’s day”. It should be both our day since we are getting married.

Also, the convenience and comfort of the guests should be considered because they are your friends and family. Do you really want to give them the short end of the stick just because it isn’t their wedding? What sort of friend, son, brother, nephew, cousin, daughter, sister, or niece does that make you? Makes you ungrateful, if you ask me. As for my wife’s preferences, hopefully, she will be able to appreciate the thought put into this and want to work with it. I mean, I didn’t just plan this all for myself or to rub my cousin’s nose in it. I considered her, and at the end of the night, she’s going to be the only one I’m thinking about and the only one with whom I share a bed. Ergo, I want to make her happy, but not to the exclusion of myself, our friends, and family. If you’re the sort of person that can’t see that sort of wisdom, then I don’t have to marry you. Lucky you…

Conclusion

So, what should be taken away from all this? Namely, that INTJs have a very specific plan in mind for most things, especially important life events. Even those they may never experience… But besides their vision, there are other things they take into account, such as convenience and efficiency. Everything is optimized to meet a certain image and avoid unfavorable ones. However an INTJ might plan a wedding, these are the central concepts around which a wedding will be planned. Expect nothing less.

Edits (September 3, 2021)

Good news, everyone!

So, this blog was originally written and published on November 11, 2020. Since then, I’ve had time to think and I’ve decided that some changes are necessary for my wedding. As you may notice, some events of the wedding are all on top of each other. The wedding Mass is at 6, dinner is that 7:30, and the DJ needs to be out by 12:30. And the honeymoon needs to happen the week following the wedding. This is too much. There’s too much going on. So, some changes are needed.

Now, since I wrote this blog, I have since been to an actual Catholic wedding. What’s interesting is that it happened last September, and for some reason, I didn’t think the way it went down was good enough for my plans, but I’ve since reconsidered. The wedding I went to was my other cousin’s and he and his bride originally planned to have their wedding around noon or 1 PM with the reception at 6 PM. I’ve come around to that thinking and I find it vastly superior. Therefore, I would like to steal it. My wedding Mass will be in the early afternoon with a break in between and dinner later that evening. Although, I’ll probably plan for something later than 6:00 so that my wife and I can go to Mass that evening, fulfilling our Sunday obligation, and not need to get up early the next day.

Another thing I would like to change is the timing of the honeymoon. I’m no longer big on the idea of having it immediately after the wedding. Why? Well, as I said, I want to be there for my mother’s birthday, and trying to squeeze everything in like that is rather uncomfortable. Plus, Aruba and all the other tropical places I’ve considered going will still technically be in hurricane season in October. Another consideration is what if my wife and I don’t consummate the marriage that night? The consummation/first time should take place in the marriage bed, not in the honeymoon suite. Therefore, why not plan for a later honeymoon in November? Go right after Halloween. It’ll be after hurricane season, gives plenty of time to consummate the marriage, we’ll be around for Halloween and my mother’s birthday and be back in time for Thanksgiving, and it’ll still be the low season, so rooms will be cheap.

This is by no means the perfect wedding plan, but it does allow for breathing room and room for error. Some of you may be thinking, what are my guests supposed to do between the wedding and the reception, and that sounds like that’s not my problem. No, but seriously, I understand that it may put my guests in a bit of pickle as they won’t have anything to do for about 5 hours, but it does allow for those who can only go to the wedding to see my bride and I personally, it gives our guests time to change their clothes for the reception (they are often sweaty affairs, so why stay in your wedding best for them?), and really, it’s your own responsibility to use your time wisely, not mine. Seriously, it’s not my problem. Plus, I do have aunts and uncles who are natural hosts. For all I know they may invite people over to their house in the interim. So, that’s that.

Again, my point here is not to say that this is how every INTJ will plan his wedding, but this is to give you an idea of how we may plan it. Basically, everything is thought out. Every little thing. But some of you may be wondering about what’s for dinner and what centerpieces we’re using. Where’s that in this? Well, all I can say to that is screw you. Who cares.

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NTJ might plan a wedding how an INTJ might plan a wedding how an INTJ might plan a wedding