How to Get a Date with an INTJ

Good news, everyone! How to Get a Date with an INTJ

So, you want to date an INTJ? Do you have a death wish? Nah, I’m just kidding. For the right person, we are the only person, and you’ll wonder how you ever got on without us. (The answer is probably “not very well”.) But, anyway, there is a right way and a wrong way of going about it. Thankfully, being as direct as we are, it’s relatively simple, especially if you have no fear of resting-bitch-face. So, let’s get into how to get a date with an INTJ.

Why Would You Want to Date an INTJ?

Before we really get into the meat of how to get a date with an INTJ, let’s first answer a question for all the detractors: why would you want to date an INTJ? I mean, INTJs aren’t exactly approachable, friendly, or welcoming. They can also be stubborn, lackluster, unenthusiastic, reserved, and when they think they’re right, they’re absolutely obnoxious. However, there are a few reasons why INTJs are desirable. How to Get a Date with an INTJ

Give us the right personality type and we’ll be the warmest people alive.

I had a very short romance recently with an ENFP—it was more like a flirtationship. And despite the age disparity—she was my senior by more than a generation—she truly appreciated my company and attention. In her own words, she appreciated my “honest desire to be uplifting, protecting, and provide guidance with utmost integrity”. Further, she said that “there are many men [and women, too] who do not possess half the maturity, intelligence, perception, wisdom or ability to discern at multiple levels simultaneously” as I did in the little time that we connected. So, if you think no one understands you, no one gives you their best, or they treat you like a second-rate human being, date an INTJ. We may not be as soft, as warm, or as affectionate as you may like, although that will depend on your INTJ and how well you accept them (give us the right personality type and we’ll be the warmest people alive), but we have everything else in spades. We are class acts!

Now, there are bad INTJs out there. The woman above recently got out of a bad relationship with one, hence why she might be gushing a little, but it is important to note that not everyone is the perfect example of their type. Shitty people exist, and if you don’t feel loved or fulfilled by the person you’re with, you shouldn’t be with them, but many exemplary persons of each type exist. And many people love INTJs, from ENFPs to ENTJs, to ENTPs and INFPs, and even ESFPs, if you can believe it. I’ll have a future blog regarding the most ideal match for INTJs, but let’s get back to the matter at hand. How to Get a Date with an INTJ

How to Find an INTJ How to Get a Date with an INTJ

All right, so, I’ve convinced you that dating an INTJ is awesome, but how do you find one? This is a difficult question to answer because as Jacks of all trades, INTJs are likely to have a variety of different interests. Nothing is really off limits—we’re humans, too, and like many people, we have varying interests: from church groups to firearms, to dancing, to bookstores, to even gyms. All these activities can fulfill our cognitive functions, and it’s possible we’re just doing it because we’re out with friends, so picking us up based on our interests alone is inadequate. Instead, let me give you some advice for picking us out in a crowd.

  1. Look for someone who is alone and doesn’t seem to mind it.

If there’s a gigantic crowd or gathering somewhere public and you locate a person on the fringes by themselves, but doesn’t seem to be bothered by the fact that they’re alone, chances are good that person is an INTJ. How to Get a Date with an INTJ

  1. If you see a small group of people travelling together or if you’re at a social gathering, look for the person in the back, sometimes off by themselves, who is quieter than everyone else, but also seems to be rather observant.

INTJs prefer small groups of people, or even just spending time with one person. The larger the group becomes, the quieter the INTJ becomes, especially if there are a number of boisterous, forceful, or opinionated extraverts in said group. Furthermore, in that sort of dynamic, INTJs don’t feel the burden to be social because there are so many personalities to interact with, however, if you do try to interact with the INTJ, don’t be surprised to find them tight lipped. This isn’t because we’re keeping secrets, we’re just not as comfortable disclosing things about ourselves in front of a group. Get yourself alone with us, and we’ll become more talkative.

  1. Look for someone who seems detached from reality or has an otherworldly aura, someone whose interests lie elsewhere and not necessarily in the moment, or who seems to be exhausted by the moment or the people in it. 

INTJs do have a sort of transcendental feel to them. At best, we are amused by those who “live in the moment”, and at worst, we’re irritated by it. To us, YOLO means that since you only live once, you should live life to the fullest and be the best version of you that you can be, not do something stupid. Therefore, we are likely to view the concerns of the world (politics, celebrities, current events) with less interest than say philosophy and ethics. We don’t care which Kardashian is screwing whom, we care about whether or not the populace as a whole will realize how to overcome their limiting beliefs.

  1. Look for someone who has esoteric or unusual tastes.

Sure, INTJs can like common things like movies, but we’re also into things like philosophy, foreign languages, investing, and other such academic pursuits, while also being interested in whip cracking, knife throwing, motorcycles, and other such seemingly brash hobbies. I have a friend who always stops himself from explaining how electricity works (he’s an electrician), but I would actually relish the opportunity to learn about it. As long as you can passionately describe your interests and we can learn something from your lecture, we’ll gladly listen to you ramble. We never know what information will be useful where. It could all help answer that question of “why”. How to Get a Date with an INTJ How to Get a Date with an INTJ

The Approach How to Get a Date with an INTJ

So, now that you’re firmly sold on dating an INTJ, and you’ve located one, how do you approach one and get your coveted date? Well, for starters, we need a little context; are you pursuing a female INTJ or a male INTJ? Secondly, what sort of upbringing did this INTJ have? Also, how reserved is this INTJ?

Regardless of whether we’re talking about the old-fashioned or liberated female INTJ, it’s best if you approach her. She’s going to want to see if you have balls bigger than hers. For a male INTJ, the old-fashioned type will approach, but if either gender is fairly reserved, the approach will be up to you. However, now that you are approaching the object of your desire, what do you say to them?

Well, the most uncomfortable part of any conversation is the introduction, so don’t sweat it too much—nobody likes it. But now that the conversation is going, how do you continue? That depends on whether the INTJ you’ve approached knows whether or not they’re an INTJ. If they do, ask them a question like, “You’re an INTJ, right?” Those who follow MBTI will admit it, and you’ll have an easy in from there. Just tell them what your personality type is, and be up front about your desire to want to talk to an INTJ. You will probably be asked why, so be prepared. And don’t worry if you’re not one of the “predestined” lovers of INTJs. You win us over, you win us over. Congratulations. If however the INTJ doesn’t know what MBTI is, you can explain it to them, but keep it brief and simple. If the INTJ is interested, they’ll investigate later on their own and do incredibly thorough research. But where you go from there is similar to the former approach. Just mention that you noticed them and wanted to speak with them. They will of course ask why, but that’s just them making sure you can be trusted. If you’re sincere and your intentions are good, they will give you the time of the day. How to Get a Date with an INTJ

But what if you’re too scared or intimidated to approach them? Well, that depends. If you’re a guy, grow a pair and go talk to her. Like I said above, NT girls are special among the MBTI girls in that they often have bigger balls than most men, and she’s not going to let you mount her, let alone kiss her, if you can’t prove yours are indeed bigger. For the girls wanting to approach INTJ men, just remember that the resting-bitch-face isn’t a sign saying “Go Away”, it’s a sign saying, “Go Away if You’re Not Sincere or Easily Scared Off”. True, most INTJs have a special animosity for their species, but it is mostly reserved for the lazy, insincere, incompetent, arrogant, and closed-minded. But another reason why we’re scary is because we like scary things and people have called us scary all our lives. If the Gothic fortress that is our minds and the fire-breathing dragon that serves as the watch dog doesn’t intimidate you, you will be allowed to enter. Course, though, woe to her who isn’t prepared for our direct approach and esoteric stylings for your curiosity made this bed, so you will lie in it without any sympathy from us.

Catching Our Attention
Never underestimate the power of a great butt.

So, maybe you’ve found us interesting, but we don’t seem to be interested in you. Or maybe you’re trying to entice us into approaching you. How do you catch our attention? Well, there are a few ways to go about it, but before going into the deeper tactics, know that some of us are just as attracted to beauty as a normal person. I, for instance, am very susceptible to the charms of a beautiful woman, especially if she’s rocking a 36-24-36 body, or something of the sort. Never underestimate the appeal of an impressive chest or well-shaped booty, male or female. But, what if your physical traits are less than stellar?

Well, for starters, remember that INTJs despise normal or average, especially when it comes to people. If your favorite thing to do on a Sunday is invite a bunch of people over, order wings, and watch a football game, don’t expect the INTJs to come a-runnin’. Having unusual or rare hobbies and interests will take you far, but if you don’t know anything that is unusual, then ask the INTJ to teach you it. I quite enjoy teaching, and I’d love the opportunity to share my knowledge and passion about archery or whip cracking with a beautiful woman. (I wonder if I have a teacher-student fetish. PICTURE) Other things that will help you demonstrate that you’re not normal or average is having an above average IQ, being super passionate about something, or being an expert in something. We’ll be attracted to your uniqueness, and passion is always more interesting than a person who simply shrugs. And once you’ve got us talking, don’t be afraid to tell us what makes you tick—what drives you. I mean, come on, there’s a reason why you find a lot us interested in MBTI—we want to be understood and to understand, so don’t be afraid to offer insight, especially if you’re pursuing a relationship with us. We’re going to be trying to figure you out for the rest of our lives anyway.

 Aside from all that, once you have our attention, you can make sure you keep it by not pressuring us into doing anything we don’t want to, don’t doubt our abilities (if anything, encourage us), feel free to talk to us about anything you want (we’re great listeners), push your own limits to excel in whatever excites you (education, occupation, fitness), and just enjoy our company. But if you’re met with less than curious interest about your romantic interest, we’re probably not into you and you should move on. Sorry about that.


With all this new information on how to get a date with an INTJ, it can seem a daunting task, but it’s not impossible. I see plenty of INTJs online who are married or have children, so INTJs are not immune to love. Some of us are (such as myself) actually looking for it. And you never know, as much as we are the INTJ of your dreams, you may very well be the match of ours. Good luck to you. How to Get a Date with an INTJ

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3 thoughts on “How to Get a Date with an INTJ

    1. I write my own content. Many of these articles were written before AI hit the popularity it has.

      As for the article itself, while it is pretty good, it is also very repetitive and lacks imagination. The voice comes off all right as it is informative, but considering that the article was written to inform, then it only makes sense that it would, and should, sound informative. However, I would like to see it add some flair, style, or humor into its own article.

      While you may be able to use an AI writer to help you write an article, I wouldn’t rely on it completely. I personally have a very unique voice to my writing and I don’t think an AI could duplicate it. So, while I may use AI in the future to help me get some of the “heavy lifting” or the more tedious parts out of the way, I would never use an AI to completely replace my own writing.

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